'Walking' by Henry Dekkappai Thoreau

Another slow day BP-wise. Spent the morning and evening cropping out front covers on the BOIN Box DVDs, then set up the article template and the web addresses for screenshots. Gathered some data on the Oppai label in the afternoon

Lacking other Boobpedia-related news, I present to you now my tribute to the immortal Thoreau essay, Walking.

I'm not a big guy, but I've got a long-legged, loping gait. Generally I walk fast, even if I'm not especially in a hurry. It's an easy, unhurried, naturally long-stepped stride. I don't appear to be walking fast to the observer, though I do cover a lot of ground in a short time. I don't saunter, unless sauntering is my purpose, and then I saunter with relish. I tend to walk straight ahead to my destination, unlike most people, who slowly wander and zig-zag randomly like extras from Night of the Living Dead. I will take a longer route if that route is less populated and will result in my avoiding an aimlessly milling crowd, or one which is headed in the direction I am traveling, but just walking too slowly. I will take that alternate route even if it lengthens my walk and inevitably delays me from reaching my destination, if I am not pressed for time. As long as I am moving at my regular, comfortable rate of speed, I am fine. I take the path of least idiocy, unless idiocy-- meaning people, people in crowds-- cannot be avoided. As a matter of fact, if you are ever in a large crowd of slow-moving, aimlessly-wandering idiots, and some guy comes charging through, fast, in the opposite direction, making a gallant attempt to avoid bumping into anyone, and muttering, "Buncha fuckin' zombies." -- that's probably me. Dekkappai.

As I said, I do walk straight-- I generally walk straight to my destination by the shortest route I can calculate in my mind. If you were to plot my course, however, you would notice several minor deviations from the straight path. This is because I attempt to avoid running into people. Running into people slows me down, and I don't like collisions with strangers-- especially men, who tend to be the main bumpers. Women probably sense I'd enjoy it; why couldn't I ever have a collision such as the one re-enacted in the IZM DVD at right? If I see another pedestrian walking towards me, I will move to the side to avoid collision. If the on-coming pedestrian then moves towards another collision, I will again alter my course. I know this collision-phobia is an odd quirk of mine since most people don't seem to mind collisions at all. In fact they seem to enjoy them because a collision gives them a chance to stop and yell at each other, engaging in a "Who's the bigger asshole" contest. I don't care for those contests. If you want to be a bigger asshole than me, I'm fine with that. Just get out of my way. I've got somewhere to be, and it ain't here.

So anyway, I was walking out of the store today in my usual long-legged loping gait. My path to the exit was straight ahead. Another man was walking in a path that would cross mine. He was walking slowly and aimlessly. I calculated that, traveling at the velocities we were, even should the other man suddenly straighten out his path, I would easily reach the point at which our paths intersected before him. Now, I take no pride in saying this. I'm not bragging. I present it as a simple statement of fact. The other man, however, seeing me coming increased his speed. Why? Beyond the fact that people are stupid-- FUCKING stupid-- I could not have offered a guess at that point. Regardless, even given the other man's increased speed, my calculations assured me that I would still have no problem whatsoever crossing the intersection before him. I maintained my rate of speed. (For those who are bored with this narrative, I offer for your viewing pleasure a totally gratuitous image of Yuuki Manaka on bicycle, at left) After another step, as I was about to put my foot down again, I saw a grit of determination come to the other man's face, and I realized this had become a "Bigger Asshole" contest to him. He was determined he would the bigger one. Fine, I would let him have his pride. He sped up further. Still not wishing to slow down, I instead altered my course slightly so that the other man would cross first, and I will cross after, and behind him. I would have lost only an insignificant fraction of a second from my departure from the store, the other man's self-respect-- so-called-- would be intact, and we would both be satisfied. But no. The other man, either sensing that I was throwing the race, or just being too feeble to maintain his accellerated rate, slowed down. Now I was at a loss. My current, altered course would lead to certain collision with the man now, but if I went back to my original course, I would, by moving ahead again, threaten him. I unwisely readjusted my path to its original course thinking-- though now dubious-- that I would be able to cross the intersection first without incident, and then proceed on out the store to freedom. Just as I was about to cross, however, the other man suddenly lunged ahead of me, shouting, "Oh no you don't, sir!" I come to a sudden stop to avoid running right smack into him. He stopped and turned around, expecting a fight, I suppose. I resumed walking and attained exit. As I unlocked my car I mumbled, "Fuck you, asshole". Bach was playing on the radio as I drove off. The End. (Nobody, but NOBODY says "The End" like Rose Aoyama, at right, says "The End").